Downsizing Donna

  I really hate the holidays! I am on the brink of crying each day, I am guessing its depression but who knows. I just hate the stress, with buying presents for my grandkids. I want to get something that they will actually use and enjoy, not tossed in the closet or my daughter-in-law tosses out the gifts so quickly sometimes I never even see them the next time I visit. With everything going up in price money is tight, I can't waste a cent. That's just one aspect of why I hate them, the next is so many memories flood back into my mind. I can't stop it; it just happens especially when I am trying to sleep. I see ads for old Christmas shows like "Little drummer boy", "Frosty the snowman" and it makes me so sad. I guess I am nuts but it sends me back to when I was a little girl sitting on the couch with my mom by my side and dad over in his chair. It might be a getting old and having less days ahead of you than behind which makes me long for those days or ma...

  Here we are 9:24pm Thanksgiving evening. Had dinner over at my son's house with his family, my daughter and her boyfriend. It was a lovely time but I find holidays just so sad. I hate them, I wish they would do away with them for sure. Anyway, during the evening I just felt so distant from my children. I am not sure if its because I am getting old now and look at them different but neither one of them seem very loving towards me. I truly think neither one of them would want me to join their homes if they had to take care of me as I age. It makes me want to cry as I was so close to my mom and loved her so much. I was prepared to take care of her, but she passed away before that happened. I really feel so alone, it scary having this feeling I have no back up for when I become unable to take care of myself. My husband really thinks I will die before him, and dam he doesn't take care of me now so I am sure he will not take care of me when I get even older. As an examp...

  That is how I feel about life. I am so depressed! What do we have to look forward to? Do our grand children have anything to hope for? Will they have a safe world to live in? Will they be able to make their own choices in life? The United States is in such a sad state, we have fallen so far it is hard to watch what we have become. God Bless us!

  I joined Weight Watchers online group, I went with the three-month plan for $15.00 a month commitment. I started it weighed on at 203.6lbs., filling in what I am eating, watching the points (23 pts.). I hate it! A gal at Walmart is killing it on Weight Watchers & she is also doing a lot of exercise for great results. I just don't like figuring out what a serving size is and filling it what I am eating. I am shocked at how quickly I gave up on it! What is wrong with me? Why can I not get going on a weight loss program. I KNOW I don't want to be like this the rest of my life, I want to be able to enjoy my grandkids and play with them. I want to be able to go on vacations with my family and not be the one they are worried about either fainting or not being able to keep up - I hate that me!! My daughter went on vacation to Honolulu, I am so worried about this trip. The world is a crazy ass place right now, people are nuts. I am praying she has the most wonderful time with her...

  I just keep gaining weight! It's not that I don't know why, I am still eating like a horse. I am having ice cream, chips, fries & potato puffs it's endless.  I still have not tried to start any form of exercise, it's like I am frozen about doing that for some reason. I have issues in the back of my mind on why, but still even though I have no alone time walking could be that time so it would be a win win situation - exercise & alone time. I find any reason not to get out that door, too hot, have my pajamas on, have to go to work, ect. I used to walk 30 to 45 minutes a day all around my area it was wonderful, and I found it to be peaceful and really helped with my stress. I shouldn't worry about my husband being home and dedicate myself to bettering myself! It's been so hot; we have not been working. Of course, that is another stressful situation - if we work it's stressful worrying about getting orders and if we don't work, we have to worry abo...

  I really hope things change for me soon. I just feel terrible all the time, not sick terrible just hate the me I have become! Yes, I am very depressed about everything if that can be said. I just have so much to work on but procrastinate doing anything! I read an article about a woman who is 101 years old she still works, drives and is active. I strive to be like that. A number of the women in my family have lived to a ripe old age. My aunt Ellie lived to 92 years old, she lived on her own for many years. Her eyesight went bad towards the end, but she held her own. What scares the shit out of me is that my health is bad, and I become a major burden to my family, nobody will want to take care of me than what?  It is 10:40 pm and I just weighed myself 208.4lbs. - I have tried to be good with not eating after 7pm but that hasn't seemed to help any. Tonight, I ate a salad about 8pm. I am stress eating; we have to babysit my grandchildren tomorrow from 11:30 to 3:30. That it is a...