Downsizing Donna

  I am sitting here staring at the blank page thinking of what I did good today to lose weight and nothing comes to mind! I had oatmeal with dark chocolate chips this morning for breakfast. I had grapes for snack while working. When I came home, I had 5 "chicken" nuggets, baked beans, Amish macaroni salad & a little imitation crab meat. Then a bit later I had another bowl of oatmeal with dark chocolate chips - I defiantly have an addiction to that for sure. It is 6pm and my husband is napping so I doubt we will walk the block; I could go by myself, but I tell you if I don't do something before, I sit down and have dinner it just doesn't get done. I turn into a zombie in front of the couch. I know how quickly time passes so if I keep putting off things nothing will change!

  Not much progress today! I tried to read the book but got distracted and didn't get very far into it.  Then my husband is feeling lousy, so he didn't want to go for a walk after dinner as we had planned to do each day to get our stamina up for the Disney trip. I did buy grapes to have something healthy to snack on but I had another bowl of oatmeal with dark chocolate chips in it (to be honest it is dark chocolate chips with a little oatmeal). I weighed in tonight and I am at 200.2lbs. I really don't want to weigh in in the evening I think you are heavier towards night than in the morning.  I did do a bit of the 1-mile walking video with Leslie Sansone on you tube. I used to be able to do all her videos but that was then I have to realize any movement is a start for me. Work is such a drain, by 2 o'clock I can barely stand to do it. I am tired and just sick of it. But with us not staying later we are not making any money and with the Di...

The day did not start off like I thought, we didn't go to work again. My husband was feeling lousy, so we stayed home and did laundry. I hate passing on a day of work since you never know with the way the world is today if we will even have work tomorrow, but it is so nice not going in. I used to love our job of delivering groceries, I really enjoyed it but now it is a struggle to go to work.  We did take a walk around the block at a fast pace (for us). I can't say I controlled my eating at all, but I guess baby steps. I weighed in at 199.2 this morning when I got on the scale.

  When a picture taken only 6 years ago of my #1 grandaughter & I pops up on my Facebook memories page and I show my granddaughters and granddaughter #2 says to me "Who is that Nana"? It really hurts to see how far I have let myself go!!

  I am really jazzed about this book!  It is one of the first books that I picked up that says "Your Weight-Loss Plan for a Flat Belly, Optimum Health, and a Body You'll Love - At Midlife and Beyond" all these things I strive for. I just got it today from the library but so far, I have skimmed it and it says you have to add more protein to your diet at this stage of life. I have really struggled with protein as I am a vegetarian. I look forward to reading it and will let you know what I find out as I know all of us of a certain age struggle with these issues! Today's evening weight is 201.6lbs. YIKES! I would have never thought I would ever see the 200lbs. on the scale EVER!!!!!!!  On the home front I am happy to say granddaughter #1 is feeling much better, the sparkle is back in her eyes! Granddaughter #2 on the other hand looks horrible, the poor thing has glassy eyes and looked ready to up chuck at any minute. My grandson also has glassy eyes s...

  I am so sad to see my grandchildren sick! My 8-year-old granddaughter started off sick for her birthday than proceeded to get worse thru out the week. She was not eating, throwing up, headache temperature of 103 on and off the poor thing was so sick! My daughter-in-law tried to get her to the hospital, but they waited hours in the waiting room of two hospitals. Finally, they got in they ran test than wanted to transport her back to the first hospital they were at by ambulance. My daughter-in-law followed in her truck; I can't imagine how scared my daughter-in-law was! At one point they thought she had Kawasaki disease but at extensive test they came to the conclusion that it was just a virus. Now my 6-year-old granddaughter is sick with it and possibly my 1-year-old grandson has a temperature. My husband and I baby sit the kids while my son and daughter-in-law were up at the hospital so needless to say my husba...

  What a crazy choking episode I had!! I defiantly have some type of esophagus issues, when I eat it goes down the throat but seems to get stuck further down. It hurts like hell! I have had it happen a few times now, but this episode was the worst. I could not catch a breath; I stood up and tried to throw it up to clear the food, but it wouldn't budge. I was scared to death. I tried to tell myself to calm down and concentrate on breathing, the weirdest sounds were coming out. My husband came to my side and smacked my back a bit but that was not helping. I finally started to get some breaths in, my hands were shaking, and my heart was beating out of my chest for sure. It scared me to death that is for sure. I had medication my doctor gave me in June to take for the pain I would get at night just above my huge belly, I should have been taking them, but I put it aside. That was a stupid move by me, I am going to take it ...

  I just pulled out the scale because I have been eating a ton of oatmeal and that always puffs up my belly. Seeing that I have gone over the 200 lb. mark is sickening for sure! It has been chilly lately, so I pulled my pants out and thank goodness they fit. I have on a pair of my shorts; it is hard to zip them up. I am wearing size 16 my next size will 18, Holy Hell. I want to put a stop to it! 

  Here is a picture of me and my mom taken 12/25/1973. I was 10 years old, oh to be able to go back to that moment in time. I would love to hug my mom and never let her go....... I have so many questions to ask her. I don't know what her favorite color was???? I know so little about her it is a dam shame! I hate that all those years past and I only know so little about when she was a girl. She had a really tough life, her dad died when she was 9 years old. Her mom had to support 8 kids all by herself, here again I never talked to my grandmother about this time in her life either. I don't know how she managed it, a few of the kids went to family members as far as I see in the census records. Anyway, as time went on my mother's older sister by 1 year had to make money also like my grandmother to help support the family. Which left my mother to cook all the food, look after the rest of the kids and clean. I think she said she only made it to 8th grade bef...

I am having one of those weeks!!!!! My son was so snotty to me at Walmart, he said I was pissing him off in such a nasty tone! What a thing to say to your mother. I would have never talked to my mother like that ever. I tell you it took all I could muster not to cry. What really makes me sad is that if he talks to his mother like that, I am sure he talks to his wife and daughters like that too. I feel like I have failed somewhere in raising him if he feels it is okay to talk to me like that. Now I know he has heard his father talk to me like that, but I am his mother you just don't do that! Back to my son, he says I am terrible for not visiting the grand kids more! It is so strange,  but I am not the grandmother I wanted to be at all. The kids are a great age now where we can color, play games etc.  but  every time  we go over there,  we stay too long my husband never wants to leave and I look like a total asshole saying okay let's  go n...

  10-2-2020 Word for Today: INTENSE Feeling intense this morning. We can sugar coat the disease of food addiction and deny it by blaming Lack of control Temptation Sad American Diet Stress eating A new diet Food combinations Eating late at night Restaurants and that works for awhile. Then a crisis comes along and we decide to get healthy and then we finally come to grips that we are in bondage to something very strong. We use words like “this is so hard, my family won’t eat my food, moderation works, I just need to cut back etc.” and we feel less vulnerable. We have taken a sedative. I accept the fact that I am a food addict. I am a user. I am an enabler but I also have learned the secret to sobriety . It is called abstinence. It is called getting a clear understanding that in order to be free, I have to wake up and recognize that food poison is real no matter what I call it. Moderation has a way of damaging me too. It just takes longer. Freedom is not free. Identifying the issu...

  Life - Your best day can be someone else's worst day! Hurricane Ian came in on the other side of Florida - Bad for them, good for us. We didn't have much damage just Chance's canopy broke. We got a lot of rain, the mud in the yard was so deep we had to wear boots. I ate thru my snacks, cookies, cakes etc. we were without power for 3 days. We have a generator which was a life saver, we were able to keep the air conditioner on with the freezers too. You don't know how much you appreciate electricity until you don't have it.